The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
