i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
