the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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