sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
