Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
one might say we're banned from that church
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
