Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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