i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
