and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize