No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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