You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is my gift to your gina
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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