god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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