i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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