on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
