I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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