Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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