I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize