the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
