you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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