I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
