you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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