when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
