your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Drake has all the answers
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
