I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
