so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
