billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
