Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's always time for handjobs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
