Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
