speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
being pregnant is like rehab
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
