I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
