well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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