You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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