At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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