you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
