if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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