well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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