I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
