It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
