literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
