just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
