i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How does one acquire holy water?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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