I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
