ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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