I can text with my tongue
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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