once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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