So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
