he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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