i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
