I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
