just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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