4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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