my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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