i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
