Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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