dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
