Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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