i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This baby is an asshole
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
