i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
