Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
ttyl tear gas
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
