If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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