Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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