I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
