Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
