Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Come share oat with me in your robe
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
