i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
